I know that it is freezing

I know that it is freezing

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The Calendar Hung Itself

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you.

Oh does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched,
and does he cry through broken sentences that I love you far too much?
Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried you smoke too many cigarettes.

Is he coughing now, on a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile there's a thousand more,
you won’t ever see.
but you must hold inside yourself eternally.

Well I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.
In every city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest.
I was determined in Chicago but I dug my teeth into my knees,
and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

And I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her.
She had eyes bright enough to burn me. They reminded me of yours.
And In a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field
and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed.

And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry’s end
where I wrote,
You make me happy
oh when skies are gray.
You make me happy oh when skies are gray, and gray, and gray.

Well the clock’s heart it hangs inside its open chest
with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself
but I will not weep for those dying days.
For all the ones who've left there's a few that stayed.
And they found me here and pulled me from the grass where I was laid.
-Bright Eyes

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Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh [ June,20th<br]

A few kids from college are meeting up in the city on Friday and i'm going in to meet Gil for the day. I was hoping to catch up with them but lo, ^mollyis joining them and i think it would mighty uncomfertable if i showed up. I hope Mike and Geoff will come and see me and Gil for a little bit though. I'd hate to have everyone think that i don't want to see them ^{although i'm sure they don't care}but i rather not deal with the crazy little thing.

I've got nothing to do on my day's off when Gil isn't around. I look at Facebook more than i should. I check my friends and what they're up to and wonder why certain friends who'll remain unamed ^laurendon't like to make plans with me but the girl who they've referred to as a ^{crazy bitch}. Pardon me.

I know, it's best to forgive and forget, right? I've had thousands of daydreams of freaking out on her, calling the cops on her, spitting next to her to show my wonderful burning disdain for her, and once or twice imagined myself hugging her and accepting my apology. But then i snap back into reality. And you want to know what reality that is?

One of my best friends/sister turned on me because she was fucked up on coke and shit and tried to kill me. Then she faked a robbery to ruin my shit. Then told me i stole her paintbrushes and was going to file a suit. She told the administration lies about me and even a truth i trusted her enough to hold and because of it they kicked my ass out of school. She ruined my Fight Club poster-my favorite possession, smashed my expensive 35mm camera and ripped up my sheets WITH A KNIFE. She threatened to kill me often and told everyone she would kill me and leave my body in a dumpster. She joked about the whole situation to my face and acted like what she had done was no big deal. And i'm suppose to be okay with that now? Oh, i see, time is suppose to heal all wounds etc. Fuck that. I'm a very forgiving person mostly because i can't hold a grudge very long but fuck, man, she can die. No, not die. I want her life to continuely go down the wrong path. I want every little thing to happen to her. From catching every red light when she's late for work to having the inside of her nose rot from all the ^candyshe does. I want her family to hate her, i want her dogs and cats to die. I want her boyfriend to fuck other people on a regular basis and lie about it ^{already happened, whoops}. I want HER friends to turn on HER. To sell HER out. To fuck HER over. I want her to feel every bug bite ten times more than anyone else. I want her to get mono and pink eye and stub her toe every day and slam her head into things on accident and scratch her arms and cut her knees and i want her lungs to fill with mucus so she can slowely die by the time she's 30.

...I still don't feel better. I wish i wouldn't let this shit get to me but i've got nothing better to do. Once i'm busy again ^{tomorrow i work 6 hours} i'll feel better and forget. I usually only think about this every so often. And the list just gets longer and longer.

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Ladies [ June,6th<br]

So i got a job at KB. I really need the money. Even if it's piss.

Also, if anyone still reads this junk,

I'd really like to get a few burned cd's of bands that are playing Warped Tour this year. I want to know all of them so i can enjoy it more than my original plan of just waiting to see Motion City Soundtrack to play. So if you can help me out, i'd greatly appreciate it.

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Oh [ June,3rd<br]

_{I miss Gil.}SO BAD.

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Over my head [ May,28th<br]

^{Two more days until i see Gil again.}I hate this.

I'm also the biggest loser this side of Purchase because i've failed to recieve any phone calls from the places i've applied to. I need a job. I need a mindless job. Just to make some quick cash so i can get outta here and ride down to Florida. ^{Is it fall yet?}

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Where have i been? [ May,17th<br]

So i'm back home....

^{Miserable little place, isn't it?}_{^{I believe so. I believe so.}}The screen on my dear phone broke so i cannot tell who is calling me or who has called, i can't get anyones numbers and i cannot see text messages so please for ^{fucks sake}stop texting me. This'll all blow over soon.

On a much sadder note, i miss my friends terribley already. I miss the people i know i won't see much over the summer but i saw every day outsides _Crossroads.I so easily forgot my friends at home and made a whole different life at school and now i'm back for the summer with nothing to do.

I refuse to stay in my house for any long periods of time unless i am unconscious due to drinking or other forms of intoxication. I plan to visit everyone and their mother (except for people who don't like that phrase) and hopefully my good friends will hook Gil and i up with shows across New England and upstate NY. We'll be writing and playing a ton of music this summer. ^{Finally, a fucking band.} Thought i'd die before i was in another one. We need a name. ^{Any suggestions?} Of course not, because i do not like you and your thought means poop. _{Yes, i said poop. That's so gay, right?

So yeah. Call me? For sure.}

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[ April,28th<br]

One more thing:

Some of you don't deserve to leave the island. I want to stab you to the ground and walk away. You don't deserve to experience the company of people who don't come from Long Island. I hate you.

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People are just jealous of my superior ability to put them down [ April,7th<br]

So hopefully Thursday night will be a blast. Gil, Scottie, Dennis, Christian, Girth, Ali and Vicky will be at my house. If all goes according to plan, that is. Hopefully i'll get to see some of my island friends as well.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Ahhh, that was a good one.

No seriously. Maybe.

Yesterday when Gil was high, he said what was probably the funniest thing i will ever hear....for now:
"It's strange how now everything i love is measured in ounces." (after hearing that we have a 44oz bag of candy)

Get it? Huh? Huh?

That's it i guess. Not much else to do today. No more classes. Just some studying. Still better than high school.

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Home for the week [ March,10th<br]

It figures. The moment shit starts to get good again i end up going home.

The past three days have been wonderful, even with the busted knee and all. Drama at a new level, believe me.

Also, it's damn nice to have something....some one...to look foward to when i get back. No drama there, thanks.

I wish break were over already.

"What was it that you meant to say....that day when we were walking to the park....."

Ps-i need a new dealer on the island.

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What a beautiful wedding [ February,25th<br]

I've been gone for a while but now i'm back, kind of, somewhere inbetween. I've nothing profound to say. Yes, i've been high once today already. I'm about to go to a marsh to film some avante garde (spelling?) grade A purchase junk in an hour. There will probably be some whispering involved. I'm just doing it for the marsh. And the Bright Eyes. Miss me yet?

...But trust me on the sunscreen.

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It's In Iowa [ February,18th<br]

I got into a car crash Wed.
It sucked.
Car got totaled.
Stupid 76 year old lady driving an SUV plowed my mother's car.
Air bags went off. All they did was crack the windshield.
Mom chipped a bone in her right hand.
My back got hurt.
Almost slammed into a giant pole. Thank god for snow.
Luckily, no one was hurt. But some guy watching us from his car wasn't looking at the road in front of him and hit a school bus. The cops reaction: "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
Shit just doesn't end.

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[ February,4th<br]

Maybe if my life was all Tripple C's and 9 to 5 Target hours then i could hurt my best friends too! I keep feeling like no matter what, i can't depend on anyone. It's too much for some one like me to handle. But hey, have fun with Acid tonight, Duff, because you totally deserve to have an awesome time! I mean, you like, totally, totally, deserve only the best in the world and for people to keep loving you while you hate yourself and wonder why you're such a fuckup when you don't spend enough time trying to fix what you've broken. Have like, totally, totally TOTALLY A SUPER DUPER TIME BUDDY! I'll sit in my room, not my dorm, but my room at home, eating Tuna while watching Roseanne because it's REALLY what i want, not to see you before i go back up tomorrow. But i mean, you can totally, totally, totally keep pretending like we haven't known eachother for almost three years. That's like, the coolest, most scene-est thing like, ever ever ever! You're just too awesome for me to handle! I mean, you treat me worse than i do. You're cool, buddy. Don't you ever forget it and cry yourself to sleep just because you make me cry. I'd hate for you, too, to feel like your best friend doesn't really care about you. Awesome.

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Eat, Sleep, Fuck, Flee <----four words that's me [ February,3rd<br]

FUN is the new disease spreading throughout colleges everywhere along the Eastern coast of the US. If the following symptoms appear, please seek immediate medical attention:

Ultimate Frisbee + Dodgeballs.

Hitting some one in the jaw with a Charm lolly pop.

Throwing hardboiled eggs at smelly skater boys in the morning.

Tickle fights. They hurt. Really.

Stoned Science class with a teacher who MUST be drunk.

The consumption of 13 oreos per night. (My pants still fit, thanks.)

Making your new roommate extremely uncomfertable when you take a photo for a friend (for his class-not a porn site) that involves you and another hot girl in your underwear, lipstick in places not to be mentioned pretending to have her smoke a cigarette off you. Mmm.

Having a 6'3 friend name Gil who laughs like a little girl when he's high.

And Dennis. If there is a Dennis in your vicinity, please make sure you have not been infected.

THAT IS ALL.

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